The time has come...

Sadly, this will be my last post from Kauai.
I have had such an amazing time and I really don't want to go home. I am usually homesick after a week. I miss my parents, my brother, my friends. But this place is so beautiful and so calming, I just want to stay. I don't want to go to work or pack up my house to move. I don't want to return to sitting at a desk and fighting with Girl Scout leaders. A tour manager here, Ann, said she would hire me as an ATV tour guide. How cool would this be? Giving tours of beautiful lands on a four-wheeler all day. As a job. The idea has crept into my brain and stayed for days. I hate that my youthful spirit of old has been beaten down by the idea of losing my 401k and not having medical and dental benefits. What has happened? I used to be fearless.
Enough of that. The helicopter ride yesterday was beautiful. My first time in a helicopter and we had an amazing pilot, Ernie. He is the most experienced pilot on the island and he took us very close to waterfalls and mountaintops and places you could never see from the ground. I sat right in the window and went he turned left it felt like I was flying directly over the ground. Wildy frightening and awesome at the same time.
We began the evening with a stroll through Hanapepe. There was an Artwalk, just like Lafayette's. Wine, cheese, and crackers. People ogling art they can't afford, while street musicians play old guitars. We walked on a swinging bridge and looked up at more stars than I have ever seen in my life.
We ended with dinner at The Beachhouse in Poipu. This was by far one of the best meals I have ever had. The entire back wall opens up onto a view of the beach and waves crashing. We ate like kings and queens. Wonderful.
Going down for a dip in the pool. Then to the airport.

In the words of my friend Ginger, "I hate it".

K-Zip and the Superslides

The title of this post is the name of my new band. From here on out everything in life will revolve around ziplines. I may just have to move here and run my own place. It was that much fun. That being said, it was the first time in my life I have every experienced actual knee-shaking fear.
I got up on the first platform (about 30') and looked down and my knees turned to jell-o. Full on. I just kept cursing under my breath and inching toward the jumpoff point. Lynn was my cheerleader and kept saying, "You can do it, Kelley." I didn't believe her for a second. Then I just held my breath, pretended I was on my pier on False River and jumped. Holy crap.
It was awesome. The next element was a bridge where the rungs were not attached to each othere. I thought it looked easy. I was wrong. It was our least favorite part of the day. There were five zips in all, the highest being from 70' up. It was my favorite. I was a pro by the end. There was also another element consisting of two ropes, one for your hands and one for your feet. It was easier than it looked. It really scared me but now I feel like I could give lessons. Okay, maybe not yet.
All in all, it was the coolest thing I have ever done, which seems to be a running theme of this trip. It just beats the tubing. I can't wait to do it all again soon. I am starting a Hawaii Adventure Savings Account when I get home.
Helicopter later today...

PS- Ask Jim about the five car rule on the narrow bridges. Talk about gnashing of teeth.

Kauai is amazing. Now, while I am all for adventure, there is something to said for just a good old vacation. The island is beautiful, people are friendly, there’s plenty to do. It looks like Snookie and Lynn may be coming back as soon as January. I’d note that as a positive review. Yesterday, we got up early to have time to drive to the North Shore and still be back for the Zip-line we had arranged. There was a little gnashing of teeth about why we had to be up so early, but in the end we got on our way. The North Shore of Kauai is where all the exterior scenes for the first two seasons of Lost were filmed. It’s also where Hanalei from “Puff the Magic Dragon” is located. Also the home of narrow two-lane roads and one-lane bridges. Have to say that I did experience a little “Ruin Fatigue” You know, once you’ve seen 10 incredible sets of ruins, they begin to seem, well, tedious. Apparently happens with beaches too.
The zip-line was great as I’m sure Kelley will tell you. We’ve got a Helicopter ride to day and are going to an Art-walk tonight.
Oh, we also hit Ono-char Burgers (just between us it was the point of our North Shore trip) that everyone says are the best burgers on the island. That doesn’t bode well for the other burgers on the island. They were “okay.” Although I did enjoy the sign that said, “Yes, Ono means fish, but it also means good. These burgers are beef, not fish! No Refunds.” Apparently everything in Hawaiian means multiple things.

Kauai

Hi, everyone.
We are now in Kauai and oh the last couple of days. We took a very short flight from Oahu over to Kauai - which the locals pronounce Ka-why-ee, like Hawaii but with a K. Anyway, we picked up our convertible and headed to our lodgings.
The drive was beautiful but OHMYGOD the condo. We have the most amazing view I have ever seen in my life. The picture above of the water is from our balcony. Waves are bigger than I have ever seen. They are blue, then green at their montrous crest and then white foam. I am simply mesmerized by them. Jim's stepdad, Snookie made the statement, "I am not going inside, off this balcony, except for liquor." I agree.
Jim and I decided to go down to the beach and try our turn in the surf. The waves are huge. We had no boards or life preservers. Hell, we should have had flares. After swimming out and giggling with glee over the giant waves, I decided, like Jim, to body surf. I have no idea how to do this. It looked simple enough. Jump at the right time. Surf on in. Simple.
After the first wave flipped me over on my head, which was on a rock, and I was struggling for air, I should have quit. I should have but I didn't. We swam some more. Things were going okay. I am a strong swimmer and was totally convinced that the ocean was not going to make me her fool. Then the biggest wave ever, EVER, came in and with it a guy, a big guy, on a boogie board. There was no where to go. I decided my best bet was to drop to the bottom but I decided too late and the guy landed directly on my head. He was very nice and apologetic and kept asking if I was okay while I was trying to remember my name and date of birth. That is when I quit.
This morning Jim and I drove around and checked out some little towns. Basically just an excuse to be cool in our convertible. Well, we are only a handful of miles away from the wettest place on earth and it will rain whenever it damn well pleases. Top up. Top down. Top up. Top down. Stupid tourists.
We then proceeded to spend the afternoon at Backcountry Adventures. We tubed down 160 year old irrigation ditches and tunnels. We wore hardhats, lamps, gloves, watershoes and swim gear. I have to say it is, by far, the coolest thing I have ever done. For over an hour we tubed quickly, going from amazing scenery to hand-dug tunnels. One tunnel was 6/10 of a mile long. We took an entire disposable waterproof camera's worth of pics. I wish I could get them on here immediately. Point is, I could have done it all day. The guides were awesome. All I kept thinking was that my parents and especially my brother would have loved LOVED this outing.
We are ending the evening with quesadillas that Jim and I (well, mostly Jim) cooked. Nice conversation. Margaritas. Wine. Breeze. Waves crashing off the balcony.
I totally understand why people never go home.

The Gang part 2

The Gang

P3 (Peruvian Puppets Players) make their Hawaiian Debut

Arizona Memorial

Day 3- Jim - The Quest continues...

Kelley hit the Vendor Show with me at the Convention Center. Now, if you’ve never been to one of these, the whole point is the accumulation of as much free crap as possible (while well aware that almost all of it will be left in your hotel room cause who wants to carry all that crap). Kelley had never been and practically squealed with glee, not realizing this show was maybe 25% of normal size.
After that we headed back to the North Shore to try once again for our Giovanni’s Shrimp. Surprisingly, we had enough forethought to call and make sure they were open on Mondays and find out what time. Pretty Good Shrimp. The Shrimp Scampi had been cooked in so much garlic that it had caramelized on the shells. Not quite the Holy Grail or Fire but damn, damn tasty.
Then it was Pearl Harbor and the Arizona Memorial. Now those of you who know us well, probably know how Kelley and I feel about Memorials and such, not because of any lack of importance in what they represent but more for the crystallized sentimentality that tends to be their medium. Transation: we’re afraid of cheese and not big on stage-managed reverence. But the Arizona Memorial is tremendous. It’s informative and solemn and appropriately reverent.
Then it was onto the Luau which I’ll leave to Kelly.

ALOHA!

The woman above with me is a coworker of Jim's named Elise. She is funny and fantastic and reminds me a great deal of my Aunt Carolyn. She sat next to me at the Luau last night and made me laugh and laugh. All of Jim's coworkers and their spouses are great people and I am glad I got to meet them. On to the Luau...
The Luau was hosted at the Hale Koa hotel, which is a military hotel. There were lots of veterans, current military folk and normal people, like us. The festivities were hosted by none other than Glen Mederos (sp?). He had a big hit in 1987 that I knew when he was singing it but in only twelve hours have forgotten. Must be all the Blue Hawaiis we drank. A fantastic beverage, that Jim and I drank with glee.
The food was good. Correction, the meat was good. The poi was BAD. Poi is like starchy goo that you are supposed to eat with your two fingers. I tried it. I am done with it. Blech.
But the pork was amazing, cooked in the ground, the whole deal. Also, fried bananas and some beef. I have no idea. I was knee deep in Blue Hawaiis by that point and between being half drunk and amazed by the half-naked dancers - who knows what we ate?
The only interesting part about these shows in Hawaii is that they know their crowd well. Lots of applause for the military, applause for birthdays and newlyweds, and applause upon applause for couples married over 50 years. Apparently, in Hawaii, until 50 years your time together means nada.
Glen led us in a rousing, standing and candle-holding-in-the-air version of "I Am Proud to Be an American". You can imagine how Jim and I fit into this scenario. Honestly, it is not that we don't recognize the sincerity of the moment, we just don't enjoy forced sentimental patriotism. I support the troops. I just don't need to sing about it.
That being said, to follow up Jim's Pearl Harbor post, I thought Pearl Harbor was one of the most sincere and lovely memorial I have ever seen. It is up there with the Vietnam Wall in D.C. The visitors were quiet and respectful and the building itself is simple and appropriate. I really enjoyed the time we spent there.
Today we head to K'aui. I have no idea how that is spelled. Hawaiian words baffle me. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to pronounce the street names or the words all around us. I need lessons.
Thanks for checking in with us. I promise we will bring you back something great.

The Remains of our Yanagi Sushi Dinner

Day 2- Kelley's View

Okay, Ann Miller’s breakfast extravaganza was fantastic. Any place with a parking spot designated specifically for picking up pie is alright with me.
Jim had to do actual work. I will admit that while he was working, I napped. I napped for three hours with our balcony door open and the beautiful breeze whipping at my feet. Naps are part of what makes life great and I do not for one minute feel guilty about my enjoyment of them at every possible chance.
Post-nap we headed to the Disneyland of Dole. I had no interest in this adventure until we arrived and there are pineapples growing out of every corner of this property. Acres and acres of pineapple abound. The world’s largest maze rocked because there are hidden stations that you must find and it is timed and we competed against The Lynn and her husband, S . We kicked ass (by one minute). We then enjoyed pineapple whip with crushed pineapple on top. It was a pineapple-rrific day.
Tomorrow, Pearl Harbor, which I am actually looking forward to and then the return quest for Giovanni’s shrimp.

I’d like to start out by saying that until I reviewed Kelley’s last blog, I had entirely failed to notice the local island boys lack of shirts. The foliage is spectacular here and draws the eye so, really, why would I have noticed?
A couple of definitions:
M’aloha: my own addition to the Hawaiian vernacular. A result of mispronunciation but still stunningly useful, as versatile as Aloha but with more panache.
M’alo’No: meaning ‘oh, un, huh!” Example: upon seeing an unattractive woman in a sundress, who is obviously not wearing undergarments of any sort a proper island response might be, “Oh, M’alo’No!”
M’alo’Ho: a noun, which interestingly enough could be used quite appropriately in the above example to describe the woman in question.

Day 2: The Quest for Giovanni’s
We got up and headed to supposedly one of Honolulu’s best breakfast places, Ann Miller’s. It lived up to its name. I had the Sausage Sampler (6 different types of sausage, eggs, and cornbread.) We restrained ourselves from buying any pies, supposedly the best in Hawaii. I had to attend the Vendor Show for the convention after that. We’ll have to see when Kelley blogs if she fesses up to what she did in the meantime.
In the afternoon, we hit the Dole Pineapple Plantation. Imagine Dollywood on pineapple crack without rollercoaster, not nearly as big, and one little sad train ride. But it does have the largest natural land maze in the world and a gift shop the size of an indoor stadium. Definitely worth the trip.
As for Giovanni’s (supposed to be the best shrimp on the island), they were sold out by the time we made it. Had to settle for a couple of tacos from Killer Tacos. The fish taco was better than I expected.
The quest for Giovanni’s continues tomorrow.

Day 1

Hi, everyone. This is my first blog and there is so much to tell. First off, let me explain the brilliance that is Jim's mother, who will from here on out be referred to as The Goddess Lynn. When arriving in Dallas to wait for our flight to Honolulu, The Goddesss Lynn jumped on her phone (as Jim and I were sipping - guzzling - mimosas in something amazing called the "Admiral's Club") and got us ALL upgraded to business class. They called in Business Class but I swear it was First because I was in the second row and there was no where to go but the pilot's lap. It was a beautiful experience and one for which I will be forever grateful. I am trying to figure out how to never, ever, fly coach again.
Honolulu looks like L. A. Period. It is a big concrete jungle with traffic and lots of tourists that fall into three crowds - Over 50, Asian, Newlyweds. We discovered that it is cheaper for young couples from Asia to get married in Hawaii than at home and it is basically like Vegas for them. The hotel is filled with newly betrothed couples in rented gowns and tuxes and their followers. Our goal is to get invited to one of these ceremonies. I am always on the lookout for an Asian couple that is sort of drunk with mooniness over each other, so I can step in and offer our services as token Americans.
Yesterday we drove around the island. Oahu is beautiful, once away from Honolulu. We headed up to the Northshore to look for Jack Johnson and any other random surfer hotties deserved of our staring. On the way Jim, who is always in my brain, spotted "Ted's Bakery" and did a quick and necessary u-turn. We discovered what may be the greatest buttered dinner roll in the history of the world. If you think this is trivial, then you don't know us at all.
Our other discovery about Hawaii is shirts are really not necessary or even an option for a lot of the boys we encounter. We are not complaining. No matter what part of town, time of day, or pedigree of the establishment, boys will be topless. Ahhh, there goes one now...
After driving and seeing all of the beautiful beaches, we napped and prepared for THE SOCIETY OF SEVEN. Okay, I blame myself for this. It was my idea and Jim went along with it like a champ. I think we actually were excited about what we were going to see, until we got there. The Society of Seven (SOS) is a musical-comedy troupe that got rave reviews on Yahoo! Travel. I simply did not know what we were going to see. Basically, we were on a cruise ship. It felt like a cruise ship. The crappy buffet and sparkly silver-blue curtains looked like a cruise. The over 60 patrons (no offense, I love my over 60 friends - I am just not over 60) in their hawaiian shirts felt cruise-esque. And then the show began...
From Celine to Sinatra, they covered the greats. Bert, Ernie, Kermit and Miss Piggy. Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean-O. Bob Dylan. The Beatles. And it was amazingly wonderful and somewhat disturbing all at the same time. Everyone should see this group, if for no other reason than to sit open-mouthed gaping like we did.
Until tomorrow....

Getting Ready for The Pele Melee

I thought this would be a fun and an easy (as long as minimal computer literacy is involved) way to keep all our friends and hangers-on up-to-date on our Hawaiian adventures. In my case, that means one or two people. In Kelley's, we're probably talking about an equivalent population to the Democratic Republic of Congo. Gotta love that its the first post and I'm already playing for sympathy.

As some of you may know, Kelley and I name our adventures. The Peru trip, of course, became The No Puppets Tour for which this blog is named. Although we've discussed names for the Hawaii trip, I have preemptorily gone with Pele Melee. She may have something to say about this. Updates will depend on interent access and hang-overs.